Why?

Why am I watching the Sox play the Diamondbacks right now? My lack of posts is related directly to my disinterest in interleague play. I am realizing this just now. There are just far more compelling sports events happening during this travesty.

The NBA Finals are one. I know I've expressed my disinterest in basketball before, but this is Celtics v. Lakers. It takes me back to my childhood when Larry Bird was the hero, Magic Johnson the villain. Perhaps the game is a little sloppier, but with so much at stake, I can't look away. (These behemoths playing on the confines of a basketball court is like if my brothers and me tried to play in my kitchen.) In about 10 minutes, I'm switching stations.

Hell, I'm even more interested in the World Cup. Now, I'm always interested in the World Cup, even if I don't follow Soccer any other time. But this time I can't even watch the games, and I care more. Favorite, Spain, goes down to Switzerland! Where's my vuvuzela?!

NFL Hyperbolic Statements- Playoffs!!!

It's the post everyone has been waiting for. It's the one where I tell you the eventual Super Bowl winner. Just like my granddad, you'll be taking your phones into the hallway, out of ear shot of your wife, to call your bookie after this one. Don't worry; no dumb ass Peter King-esque scores that could never happen such as 32-18. First the AFC...

The Chargers have flown under the radar all season, overshadowed by the Colts and Saints. But lest we forget, San Diego has won 11 in a row. Perhaps if this win streak started at the beginning of the season and ended in the number zero, people would have taken more notice. Right now they are simply the most complete team in the NFL. I know the Colts have Manning, but I see them gagging. As for the rest of the conference, I don't think there's anyone else close.

AFC Wild Card:

Ravens 21, New England 14 Bengals 16, Jets 10

AFC Divisional Round:

Chargers 30, Bengals 7 Colts 24, Ravens 17

AFC Championship:

Chargers 35, Colts 24

As for the NFC, what a freakin' mess. I love the Saints and Drew Brees, and I wish I could pick them. But how can I pick a team that limped it's way into the playoffs riding a three game losing streak? I decided to go with the teams that I feel have the best playing quarterbacks and the best playing defenses right now.

NFC Wild Card:

Packers 31, Cardinals 20 Cowboys 20, Eagles 17

NFC Divisional Round:

Cowboys 27, Vikings 21 Packers 28, Saints 17

NFC Championship:

Green Bay 26, Cowboys 20

I think a Chargers/Packers Super Bowl would be highly entertaining and represent a changing of the guard a bit for NFL quarterbacks. Aaron Rodgers and Philip Rivers are two of the best young QB's in the game. I see a highly competitive relatively high scoring game ending with the first world title in San Diego sports... I believe.

Chargers 37, Packers 27.

NFL Hyperbolic Statements-Week 16

A couple of super lame items this week that make me want to spit...

Super Lame I: Really, Colts? Really? You're going to let your undefeated season end like that? Without even trying? I know they have an organizational philosophy of resting starters once they've clinched everything they can clinch. It would be one thing if this philosophy was actually successful. But it's not. It's just not. First of all, when the Colts played out the string with their starters in 2006, they won the Super Bowl. They haven't won a playoff game since with this philosophy of rest.

Secondly, they're already getting a week of rest. That's what the bye is for. What's the point of working for the bye if you're going to start resting three weeks ahead of time. I could accept, if not condone, resting starters with a 14 point lead or 14 point deficit. But the Colts were only up 5 with five minutes remaining in the third. Like I said, if this strategy had a proven track record go ahead, but it doesn't, and again the Colts are not going to be successful in the post season. Basically, by the time they get to their first playoff game, Manning and Co. will have been resting for a month. Hope you're happy with 14-2 and no hardware, dummies.

Super Lame II: The Giants, with everything to play for in their final game at Giants stadium, get shellacked by the Panthers. A loss is one thing, but 41-9? After winning the Super Bowl two seasons ago the Giants have been the most underachieving team in the league if you ask me.

Look Who's Back: The Jets. After all of the criticism, browbeating at the hands of the NY, media, and living and dying by their rookie quarterback, the other NY team is in the driver's seat for their playoff destiny. Of course, they got some help with the aforementioned Colts laying down. Whodathunkit?! If you listen to WFAN you would think they're 0-15.

File This One Under WTF: I have a 7 foot piece of asbestos pipe in my house. It's going to take $975 to remove it. I swear, if it wasn't on record and disclosed on the MLS report, I would take it out myself. I'm not too scared of cancer, it's a few feet of the stuff. It's not like I'm blowing foam installation without a respirator everyday. Oh well, I'm just glad it's getting done.

NFL Hyperbolic Statements-Week 15

I am ill, so though this post will be curtailed, it is here for your enjoyment. My readers demand it.

Danny Says Relax: I know this segment is about overstating things and just saying the first thing that pops into my head. But after the Saints loss on Saturday, the sports media is looking for all kinds of chinks in the armor. Calm down. It's one loss. The Cowboys were playing for their lives, and though the Saints were still fighting for home field, they didn't have as much to play for. I don't think that loss exposed any specific weaknesses. New Orleans just played a bad game.

Best Post Game Comments Ever: After Saturday's loss I LOVED Drew Brees' post game comments. He basically said that he was disappointed that the undefeated season was over. He also stated the team wanted to do it for the city of New Orleans. (Sorry, I couldn't find the video.) He refused to downplay the undefeated season as so many others have and was man enough to admit it was a goal. My opinion is that you try to win every game. When you get to the playoffs, you're done after one loss anyway. Just go for it.

This Is Awesome: Many are analyzing Randy Moss' strange post game comments from Sunday. I'm just analyzing his beard. Man, that is robust! Sorry about the ad at the beginning of the video.

NFL Hyperbolic Statements-Week 12

Another comeback from... guess who? From pariah to golden boy. Cool threads. And a couple more dummies need to close their pie holes.

Clearly the Best Team in the League: The Colts spotted the Texans leads of 17-0 and 20-7. Then two pass interference calls: one legit, the other... not so much, aided an Indy drive that culminated in a Reggie Wayne TD that put the Colts right back in it. Blood in the water. After taking a one point lead on a Dallas Clark TD catch in the fourth, the Colts D made a couple of huge plays that just buried the Texans. Clint Sessions returned an int for for six. Then Matt Schaub got stripped to set up a Chad Simpson (who?) TD run. All of a sudden, the Colts were blowing out the Texans. This is the fifth consecutive game that the Colts have won after trailing in the fourth quarter. I don't know how that bodes for their playoff chances. What it does mean is that they don't care what situation they're in because they're better than you. Oh, and btw... this is the Colts' 20th straight regular season win spanning the last two years.

Coolest Redemption Ever: Vince Young. Who knows how long this will really last, but I think it's great to see Vince Young back and making plays. It seems like he's figured out something out from the mental side of things. Last Monday he looked great and the Titans were brilliant with their play calling mixing runs and passes for him. He also looked like he's vastly improved his accuracy (which is why the called runs work). Then with this 18 play drive to win the game Sunday, he looks like a completely different player.

You Need a Slap in the Mouth: Hines Ward and Santonio Holmes. Both players have publicly questioned Ben Roethlisberger's toughness (in a very oblique way) after he sat out Sunday's game with post-concussion symptoms. Really? Do you guys want to let Big Ben live in your place and wipe his drool when he's 60 and can't remember his own name? It's his life. He has to deal with the consequences, not you. No one has a right to question someone else's manhood after a head injury. But why would you trust a neurologist anyway?

My Aesthetic Sensibilities: Is there any earthly reason that the Buffalo Bills shouldn't permanently return to their retro threads? I mean c'mon! Those are far superior to the hot mess of stripes, piping, and three different shades of blue that they wear now.

File This One Under WTF: When did our society become so germophobic? People in my office building have been opening door handles with paper towels and slathering themselves with Purel every five minutes. My company now has strategically placed sterilization outposts stocked with wipes, Kleenex, and anit-bacterial goo. Guess what? No matter what you do you're going to get a cold. As long as your not licking the restroom floors, I think you'll be fine.

NFL Hyperbolic Statements-Week 11

Two so-called contenders punk out. The city of Baltimore holds a grudge. And looking forward to watching the Lions? Since we've got a short week, think of this as the Cliff's Notes version of "Statements."

Don't Rest On Your Laurels, Ever: Bengals and Steelers. Following a man-sized win against the Steelers, the Bengals turned into tabbies vs. the pathetic Raiders. The eyepatches did have one advantage; Demarcus Russell was on the bench. But still, if Cincinnatti wanted to think of itself as a contender, they needed to take care of biznass against the Faders. (Wow, two disparaging nicknames for Oakland in one paragraph). Meanwhile, halfway across the country, the Steelers were yacking it up against another AFC West ne'er-do-well. You would think they would come out pissed off and ready to kill the Chiefs after losing an important divisional game to the Bengals last week. I guess that's the difference between these two clubs and the Colts who seem to win under all kinds of circumstances, even when it appears they really don't deserve to win.

State Line of the Week: Robert Meachem, Saints. 2 catches, 10 yards, 2 TD's. Just don't confuse him with Robert Mitchum.

Cosmic Forces At Work: Two games ago, the Baltimore Ravens played the team that replaced them after they left Cleveland and changed names, the "new" Browns. Last Sunday, the Ravens played the team that they replaced in Baltimore, the Colts. Let that one marinate in your skull for a bit. Think of it as a football koan. By the way, the Colts are never referred to by name in Baltimore. The PA announcer introduces them as the Indianapolis professional football team. Bitter, anyone?

File This One Under WTF: Ah, Thanksgiving, that magical time of year that exists only to indulge in copious amounts of food and football. I was even looking forward to the Lions game this year. I was very curious to watch heralded rookie Matthew Stafford, especially in light of his heroic play last Sunday. But now he's injured, out for a couple of weeks at least with a separated shoulder. Now, I've got to deal with the likes of a washed up Daunte Culpepper. Damn! Oh well, the Packers will probably win 35-3 anyway.

NFL Hyperbolic Statements-Week 10

Perennial doormat makes a statement. An absolutely soporific late Sunday match up. And the most important game in the history of history.

The Big Fat Brass Ones Award: Cincinnati Bengals. They are the Bungles no more. At least for now. In a defensive struggle with reigning champ Pittsburgh, the Bengals won and took control of the AFC North. What they have done this season is staggering, considering where they once were. They are 7-2 with the tie breaker over both the Steelers and Ravens having swept both. Their record is 5-0 in the division. The win total for all of 2008 was a mere four games. After going 11-5 in '05, the Bengals followed two mediocre seasons with the fugly performance that was last year. Presently there are eight games remaining. Beware the second half yack, but the striped-ones' schedule from here consists of such compost heaps as the Browns, Lions, Raiders and Chiefs. Except for a December 13th game against the Vikings they would be favored in just about every remaining game. Don't look now, but Cincinnati could end up with a first round bye.

Are You Still Awake?: Packers 17, Cowboys 7. There have been many memorable match ups between these teams throughout the years. The Ice Bowl of course comes to mind, as does a few hotly contested playoff games in the '90's. This was not one. The game was 3-0 Pack through three quarters. This was not because of a hard-hitting defensive battle on a cold day in Lambeau. This was because of penalties, turnovers, and downright sloppiness. No other game to turn to. Heeelp!

The Most Titanical Clash of the Titans...in History: After trading three-and-outs, Manning and Brady traded quick touch downs. Running game? We don't need no F-ing running game (the biggest misconception in sports in the necessity for a power running game in the NFL). Screw that! We're here to see the quarterbacks, you know, the guys who bag girls who wouldn't even spit on you if you were on fire. This game had everything. But the one thing people can't stop talking about is Belichick's fourth down call on his own 28. What precipitated this inexplicable decision? Arrogance? Absolute faith in Brady? Absolute fear of Manning? No confidence in the defense? Or something else? I think Belichick just wanted to put an end to it. Pick up two yards and the game is over. These Colts/Pats match ups are so physically and emotionally taxing that he just wanted to go all-in. For once, he acted on emotion instead of intellect. For the record, I think he was wrong. As Dwight Freeney said, I would have punted even if I were playing Madden. There are only a few regular season games that ever get remembered for the ages; Brett Favre's Monday Nighter after his father died, Giants 7, 49ers 3 in 1990. This one should be right up there. Side Note: Reggie Wayne is one of the best receivers in football. He does everything well. He runs good routs. He can burn past anybody, and has hands like velcro. I would choose him over just about anyone in the league right now.

File This One Under WTF: Titans Owner, Bud Adams. You are too hilarious for me to be outraged.

NFL Hyperbolic Statements-Week 9

Ugly uni's inspire a win. From heroes to zeros. A piece of human garbage gets what he deserves. And I have a better chance of playing a 16 game NFL schedule than this guy...

Most Useless Player Ever: Bob Sanders, Colts. Don't get me wrong. I love the way this guy plays. He's a human missile and a real difference maker... on the rare occasion that he's actually on the field. After missing five games with a knee injury, Sanders tore his bicep against the 49ers in the seventh. He's even more useless than the 52nd guy on the team. At least you know he isn't going to play and no one really cares. It's not going to effect anything. When an integral piece like Sanders is in and out, in and out, it creates havoc. I actually think his injuries have been a distraction. The Colts build their defense around him, and his absence seems to effect the Colts D psychologically at times. Sanders games played over the years: 6, 14, 4, 15, 6, 2. In 2007, when he played 15 games, he won Defensive Player of the Year. Shame.

The Universe Finds Balance: Wearing their old orange eyesore uni's in which they once lost 26 straight, the Tampa Bay Bucs broke their seven game losing streak that started this season. I'm sure there's some cosmic significance to this. I just don't know what... yet.

intimidating.

Worst Slide Ever: New York Football Giants (just in case you confused them with the New York Kickball Giants). Once upon a time (30 days ago) the Giants were rolling along, taking care of business and sitting pretty at 5-0. Four games later, they're 5-4, ahead only of the Deadskins in the NFC East. Now they must likely go 5-2 the rest of the way to even consider the playoffs. And what's worse, since the Eagles laid an egg Sunday (rim shot), the #@!* Cowboys are first in the division. Thanks a bunch (superfluous use of parenthesis).

Restoring My Faith In Humanity: Kansas City Chiefs. In a season when everything is wrong, they finally did something right. They cut woman-abusing cretin Larry Johnson. I know in reality Johnson's release is more because of his 2.7 yard average and off-color comments regarding the Chiefs and the fans, but I can't stand any sub-human who would lay his hands on a woman, least of all a 250 pound pro football player. You're a real winner, Larry. I hope you never see a football field again. What's even more satisfying is that the Chiefs cut Johnson just 75 yards short of Priest Holmes' team rushing record.

File This One Under WTF: Sammy Sosa, what the crap is this?!

So Long Jason: The Red Sox declined Jason Varitek's option and it appears that this is the last we've seen of Jason in Boston. It's been a great career for Varitek, which included two rings. He is also the only man to catch four no-hitters. It is time; however, as it is clear that 'Tek's skills have abandoned him. It will be very strange not to see him out there. I wish him all the best.

NFL Hyperbolic Statements-Week 8

Could a defense featuring man/beast Jared Allen be overrated? What do Steven Jackson and Barry Sanders have in common? Sadly Steve Slaton has a horrible disease. And Tecmo Super Bowl is personified.

Most Overrated Defense Ever: Minnesota Vikings. Sure this team is formidable. Jared Allen has been playing like the Norse god, Thor, lately. But how good is this defense really? They let the Packers close within four on Sunday after posting a 24-3 lead. In fact this ballyhooed defense has allowed 20 plus points in every game this season but two. Those games were against the hapless Lions and the hopeless Rams. Is this D as good as everyone says? Just something to think about.


Best Barry Sanders Impersonation: Steven Jackson. Obviously, Sanders has a much better resume. Jackson is also a completely different runner. But the parallel that I find interesting is that they're both excellent backs who play for crappy teams and rack up tons of yards without scoring many touchdowns, relatively speaking. Jackson is second in the NFL in rushing and just scored his first touchdown Sunday in week 8. In 1994 Sanders rushed for 1883 yards with a 5.7 ypc and caught 44 passes, while only scoring only 8 TD's. Just sayin'. Perhaps this is only interesting to me.


Craziest Sat Line Ever: Maurice Jones-Drew. The hyphenated one had 8 carries for 177 yards Sunday. Is this Bo Jackson in Tecmo Super Bowl?!


File This One Under WTF: Steve Slaton, my second pick in my fantasy draft, has been killing me with his inconsistency all year. Not only that but he's fumbling like the ball has a patina of bacon fat. Fumblitis, some running backs can overcome it (Tiki Barber). If you don't, you'll be grabbing some pine. That's just what happened to Slaton Sunday. One carry, one yard, one fumble, -1.26 fantasy points. And here's the real kick in the crotch, I lost my fantasy match up by 0.07! KAAAAHN!

NFL Hyperbolic Statements-Week 7

Bad Brett makes an appearance. The league's best team pulls one out of you-know-where. And some of my formerly prized sports garb may end up at the Good Will.

Worst Turnovers Ever: Twice on Sunday with the Vikes driving for a critical score, Favre handed it back over to the Steelers on Williams Sanoma serving platter. The Steelers take both the fumble and int. for six. Of course the grizzled one has done this too many times to count. It's part of his nature and a trade off that the Packers were willing to live with for years. No problem when Brett is throwing for 30+ touchdowns a season. But what make these the worst of his career are his pathetic attempts at a tackle each time. Granted, he don't get paid to tackle, and an injury to the old man would be cataclysmic, but this looked down right wimpy. He would've had a better chance spitting at Lamar Woodley. And by the way, 51 pass attempts and only 18 rushes for Adrian Peterson against a defense known for tearing QB's limb from limb? The Vikings better not fall too in love with their new toy, Favre. The road to the championship should be traversed on the back of number 28.

Most Awesome Comeback Ever: The Saints were down to the Dolphins 24-3 in the first half of Sunday's game. Drew Brees had three interceptions. It looked like New Orleans was going down for the first time. But any team that makes a Super Bowl run wins two or three games during the season that they have no business winning. This was one of those games for the Saints. They outscored the Dolphins 36-10 in the second half, 22-0 in the fourth quarter. Of course, teams that barely miss the playoffs always have a few games when they snatched

defeat from the jaws of victory. Miami let Indianapolis win on a last minute drive in week two and now this. Instead of 4-2, the Dolphins are 2-4. That doesn't leave any room for error the rest of the year.

Childhood Dreams Crushed: My team, the Washington Redskins, just plain sucks (that's a revelation). A pretty good defense gets the shaft every week from an offense that can't stay on the field for more than ten seconds. I honestly feel bad for Jim Zorn. He was placed in a position where failure was immanent. He was not prepared for head coaching in general, never mind this dysfunctional family of losers that makes the Bundys look like the Waltons. I'm tired. Just tired. It makes me want to jump ship, which of course, to most of fan-dom is punishable by flogging. But in addition when I picked Washington as my favorite team, I was ten. I did not consider the racist nickname I would have to wear on my team garb. So wearing a Redskins shirt is embarrassing in two ways. I don't know if I can do it anymore. My allegiance is now up for sale. Any suggestions? I leave you now with a picture of my favorite Washington player of the good old days, Darrell Green.

Trivia: We all know that no team has ever won three straight Super Bowls. Two, the Dolphins in the '70's and the Bills in the '90's, have appeared in at least three straight. But there is one player who has played for the Super Bowl winner in three consecutive seasons. Who is it? Answer on Friday, 10-30-09.

Restoring My Faith in Humanity: Sesame Street will celebrate its 40th anniversary next month. In a world of frenetic, high fructose corn syrup-fueled kid shows. It's good to know that a smart program like Sesame Street still has its place. It's got a seriously dedicated cast as well. Bob McGrath, who plays Bob naturally, has been there since the premiere. Sonia Manzano, who plays Maria, has been there since 1971. She's won 15 Emmys for her writing on the show. Happy Anniversary guys! You were an important part of my formative years.

NFL Hyperbolic Statements- Week 6

A team gets it's heart ripped out, cut to shreds, thrown in a pot of boiling oil, and eaten like fritola. A jerk gets redemption; remains jerk. A finesse team gets a little nasty.

Worst Bludgeoning I've Ever Witnessed: You may think I'm referring to the Pats 59-0 smackdown of the Titans. Don't get me wrong. The Titans flat out quit. Something about that cold, unseasonable New England snow just wrenched the fight right out of them. You don't lose by 59 in today's NFL without somebody giving up. But no... I'm referring to the Eagles pathetic display at Oakland. McNabb with less than 50% complete? A mere 14 rushing attempts? And an 86 yard TD allowed to the back up tight end? Perhaps the Eagles were looking past this opponent and ahead to the meat of their schedule. I guess every team is entitled to one inexplicable loss per season. Perhaps my 'Skins can hand one out next weekend.

Best Defensive Coach Ever: Greg Lewis, Saints. Washington let him go with little fanfare, but I was really upset at that move. The 'Skins D was at its best when Lewis was at the helm. It just goes to show that the NFL is truly a coach's league. Last year the Saints allowed 393 points and were 26th in total defense. This year they're blitzing from everywhere and making opponents feel the pain. This year they're 12th in total D and 6th points allowed. All they need to do is stay decent, and the offense will score plenty of points. My favorite moment from Sunday's game was when they got Eli Manning to move all of his protection pre-snap to the offensive right, but then the Saints blitzed from the left. This team is just fun to watch. What's not to like about a team that scores 40 a game and blitzes like rabid fisher cats every defensive snap? Well, there is one thing...

Least Desirable Redemption Ever: Jeremy Shockey, Saints. Was anyone really cheering for this guy to get revenge on his former team? The team that drafted him and gave him every chance to succeed? I'm sure Schlocky feels wronged in some way even though he's the one who ran his mouth. He's the one who dropped pass after pass. And he's the one who set back Eli's development. I bet Shockey was the kind of kid who liked to steal lunch money.

File this one under WTF: I looked in the candy machine at my office the other day and found a new variety of Snickers; Snickers Charged. This one has added caffeine! If chocolate, caramel & nougat aren't enough to give you a little jolt of energy, you have one serious case of hypoglycemia. Does everything have to have caffeine in it now? What's next? Noodle soup? Celery? Cheeseburgers? Mark my words. Within 12 months' time, you will see the McJolt burger at Mickey D's. It will contain coffee crusted bacon.

Warning:NFL Content

This is just a little plug for a new weekly post I'm going to be doing now that my Sox are at home watching "Two and Half Men" or something... It will be a weekly NFL rundown called Hyperbolic Statements. As we know sports are prone to grand statements, sweeping generalities, and mournful eulogies to the death of Western Civilization. No sport inspires these sentiments more than the NFL. Therefore, I will join the party (in sort of a light hearted way). You'll get the idea once you read the first post. I am killing my weekly NFL power rankings because, quite honestly, it's too much damn work and let's face it, it's been done.