NFL Hyperbolic Statements- Week 6

A team gets it's heart ripped out, cut to shreds, thrown in a pot of boiling oil, and eaten like fritola. A jerk gets redemption; remains jerk. A finesse team gets a little nasty.

Worst Bludgeoning I've Ever Witnessed: You may think I'm referring to the Pats 59-0 smackdown of the Titans. Don't get me wrong. The Titans flat out quit. Something about that cold, unseasonable New England snow just wrenched the fight right out of them. You don't lose by 59 in today's NFL without somebody giving up. But no... I'm referring to the Eagles pathetic display at Oakland. McNabb with less than 50% complete? A mere 14 rushing attempts? And an 86 yard TD allowed to the back up tight end? Perhaps the Eagles were looking past this opponent and ahead to the meat of their schedule. I guess every team is entitled to one inexplicable loss per season. Perhaps my 'Skins can hand one out next weekend.

Best Defensive Coach Ever: Greg Lewis, Saints. Washington let him go with little fanfare, but I was really upset at that move. The 'Skins D was at its best when Lewis was at the helm. It just goes to show that the NFL is truly a coach's league. Last year the Saints allowed 393 points and were 26th in total defense. This year they're blitzing from everywhere and making opponents feel the pain. This year they're 12th in total D and 6th points allowed. All they need to do is stay decent, and the offense will score plenty of points. My favorite moment from Sunday's game was when they got Eli Manning to move all of his protection pre-snap to the offensive right, but then the Saints blitzed from the left. This team is just fun to watch. What's not to like about a team that scores 40 a game and blitzes like rabid fisher cats every defensive snap? Well, there is one thing...

Least Desirable Redemption Ever: Jeremy Shockey, Saints. Was anyone really cheering for this guy to get revenge on his former team? The team that drafted him and gave him every chance to succeed? I'm sure Schlocky feels wronged in some way even though he's the one who ran his mouth. He's the one who dropped pass after pass. And he's the one who set back Eli's development. I bet Shockey was the kind of kid who liked to steal lunch money.

File this one under WTF: I looked in the candy machine at my office the other day and found a new variety of Snickers; Snickers Charged. This one has added caffeine! If chocolate, caramel & nougat aren't enough to give you a little jolt of energy, you have one serious case of hypoglycemia. Does everything have to have caffeine in it now? What's next? Noodle soup? Celery? Cheeseburgers? Mark my words. Within 12 months' time, you will see the McJolt burger at Mickey D's. It will contain coffee crusted bacon.

Eagles, Ravens Vindicate Dan

Well, I was 50% on Wild Card Weekend thanks to wins by Baltimore and Philly. The Eagles had a clear advantage in QB play, which I thought would be the difference and it was. Minnesota's D helped them hang around, but once they got down two scores, it took AP out of the game plan, and the Vikings were toast.

Miami's offense was just not able to challenge the Raven's defense at all. Joe Flacco, while he sprayed the football all over the field, didn't make the big mistakes and Chad Pennington did. Chad has a number of good qualities; intelligence, accuracy, leadership. But sometimes you just need a big gun. Chad doesn't have one. There was one deep ball he threw where he had a receiver open despite double coverage. Had he been able to get the ball out in front and toward the sideline, he may have completed it. Instead it was short and to the inside, easy pickings.

The results of the weekend festivities have created some unfavorable match ups for the top seeds in each conference (on account of the stupid seeding process placing division winners in a higher position than wild cards regardless of record). The Giants have to play division foe, Philadelphia, for the third time. The aggregate score from the two regular season meetings; Eagles 51, Giants 50. (Thanks Peter King.) They're probably the last team the Giants want to face.

Baltimore goes to Tennessee in the Ug Bowl. The first team to attempt a pass loses. It will result in an interception or a sack and fumble. Final score 3-0. Both teams rely on defense and getting lucky. The key to beating teams like these is to be patient and play mistake free. Even though I don't think much of Kerry Collins, I have to give the Titans the advantage at QB. Joe Flacco looked like Mitch Williams yesterday the way he was flinging it around.