NFL Hyperbolic Statements-Week 16

A couple of super lame items this week that make me want to spit...

Super Lame I: Really, Colts? Really? You're going to let your undefeated season end like that? Without even trying? I know they have an organizational philosophy of resting starters once they've clinched everything they can clinch. It would be one thing if this philosophy was actually successful. But it's not. It's just not. First of all, when the Colts played out the string with their starters in 2006, they won the Super Bowl. They haven't won a playoff game since with this philosophy of rest.

Secondly, they're already getting a week of rest. That's what the bye is for. What's the point of working for the bye if you're going to start resting three weeks ahead of time. I could accept, if not condone, resting starters with a 14 point lead or 14 point deficit. But the Colts were only up 5 with five minutes remaining in the third. Like I said, if this strategy had a proven track record go ahead, but it doesn't, and again the Colts are not going to be successful in the post season. Basically, by the time they get to their first playoff game, Manning and Co. will have been resting for a month. Hope you're happy with 14-2 and no hardware, dummies.

Super Lame II: The Giants, with everything to play for in their final game at Giants stadium, get shellacked by the Panthers. A loss is one thing, but 41-9? After winning the Super Bowl two seasons ago the Giants have been the most underachieving team in the league if you ask me.

Look Who's Back: The Jets. After all of the criticism, browbeating at the hands of the NY, media, and living and dying by their rookie quarterback, the other NY team is in the driver's seat for their playoff destiny. Of course, they got some help with the aforementioned Colts laying down. Whodathunkit?! If you listen to WFAN you would think they're 0-15.

File This One Under WTF: I have a 7 foot piece of asbestos pipe in my house. It's going to take $975 to remove it. I swear, if it wasn't on record and disclosed on the MLS report, I would take it out myself. I'm not too scared of cancer, it's a few feet of the stuff. It's not like I'm blowing foam installation without a respirator everyday. Oh well, I'm just glad it's getting done.

NFL Hyperbolic Statements-Week 9

Ugly uni's inspire a win. From heroes to zeros. A piece of human garbage gets what he deserves. And I have a better chance of playing a 16 game NFL schedule than this guy...

Most Useless Player Ever: Bob Sanders, Colts. Don't get me wrong. I love the way this guy plays. He's a human missile and a real difference maker... on the rare occasion that he's actually on the field. After missing five games with a knee injury, Sanders tore his bicep against the 49ers in the seventh. He's even more useless than the 52nd guy on the team. At least you know he isn't going to play and no one really cares. It's not going to effect anything. When an integral piece like Sanders is in and out, in and out, it creates havoc. I actually think his injuries have been a distraction. The Colts build their defense around him, and his absence seems to effect the Colts D psychologically at times. Sanders games played over the years: 6, 14, 4, 15, 6, 2. In 2007, when he played 15 games, he won Defensive Player of the Year. Shame.

The Universe Finds Balance: Wearing their old orange eyesore uni's in which they once lost 26 straight, the Tampa Bay Bucs broke their seven game losing streak that started this season. I'm sure there's some cosmic significance to this. I just don't know what... yet.

intimidating.

Worst Slide Ever: New York Football Giants (just in case you confused them with the New York Kickball Giants). Once upon a time (30 days ago) the Giants were rolling along, taking care of business and sitting pretty at 5-0. Four games later, they're 5-4, ahead only of the Deadskins in the NFC East. Now they must likely go 5-2 the rest of the way to even consider the playoffs. And what's worse, since the Eagles laid an egg Sunday (rim shot), the #@!* Cowboys are first in the division. Thanks a bunch (superfluous use of parenthesis).

Restoring My Faith In Humanity: Kansas City Chiefs. In a season when everything is wrong, they finally did something right. They cut woman-abusing cretin Larry Johnson. I know in reality Johnson's release is more because of his 2.7 yard average and off-color comments regarding the Chiefs and the fans, but I can't stand any sub-human who would lay his hands on a woman, least of all a 250 pound pro football player. You're a real winner, Larry. I hope you never see a football field again. What's even more satisfying is that the Chiefs cut Johnson just 75 yards short of Priest Holmes' team rushing record.

File This One Under WTF: Sammy Sosa, what the crap is this?!

So Long Jason: The Red Sox declined Jason Varitek's option and it appears that this is the last we've seen of Jason in Boston. It's been a great career for Varitek, which included two rings. He is also the only man to catch four no-hitters. It is time; however, as it is clear that 'Tek's skills have abandoned him. It will be very strange not to see him out there. I wish him all the best.

Eagles, Ravens Vindicate Dan

Well, I was 50% on Wild Card Weekend thanks to wins by Baltimore and Philly. The Eagles had a clear advantage in QB play, which I thought would be the difference and it was. Minnesota's D helped them hang around, but once they got down two scores, it took AP out of the game plan, and the Vikings were toast.

Miami's offense was just not able to challenge the Raven's defense at all. Joe Flacco, while he sprayed the football all over the field, didn't make the big mistakes and Chad Pennington did. Chad has a number of good qualities; intelligence, accuracy, leadership. But sometimes you just need a big gun. Chad doesn't have one. There was one deep ball he threw where he had a receiver open despite double coverage. Had he been able to get the ball out in front and toward the sideline, he may have completed it. Instead it was short and to the inside, easy pickings.

The results of the weekend festivities have created some unfavorable match ups for the top seeds in each conference (on account of the stupid seeding process placing division winners in a higher position than wild cards regardless of record). The Giants have to play division foe, Philadelphia, for the third time. The aggregate score from the two regular season meetings; Eagles 51, Giants 50. (Thanks Peter King.) They're probably the last team the Giants want to face.

Baltimore goes to Tennessee in the Ug Bowl. The first team to attempt a pass loses. It will result in an interception or a sack and fumble. Final score 3-0. Both teams rely on defense and getting lucky. The key to beating teams like these is to be patient and play mistake free. Even though I don't think much of Kerry Collins, I have to give the Titans the advantage at QB. Joe Flacco looked like Mitch Williams yesterday the way he was flinging it around.