Monday, November 9, 2009

NFL Hyperbolic Statements-Week 9

Ugly uni's inspire a win. From heroes to zeros. A piece of human garbage gets what he deserves. And I have a better chance of playing a 16 game NFL schedule than this guy...

Most Useless Player Ever: Bob Sanders, Colts. Don't get me wrong. I love the way this guy plays. He's a human missile and a real difference maker... on the rare occasion that he's actually on the field. After missing five games with a knee injury, Sanders tore his bicep against the 49ers in the seventh. He's even more useless than the 52nd guy on the team. At least you know he isn't going to play and no one really cares. It's not going to effect anything. When an integral piece like Sanders is in and out, in and out, it creates havoc. I actually think his injuries have been a distraction. The Colts build their defense around him, and his absence seems to effect the Colts D psychologically at times. Sanders games played over the years: 6, 14, 4, 15, 6, 2. In 2007, when he played 15 games, he won Defensive Player of the Year. Shame.

The Universe Finds Balance: Wearing their old orange eyesore uni's in which they once lost 26 straight, the Tampa Bay Bucs broke their seven game losing streak that started this season. I'm sure there's some cosmic significance to this. I just don't know what... yet.


Worst Slide Ever: New York Football Giants (just in case you confused them with the New York Kickball Giants). Once upon a time (30 days ago) the Giants were rolling along, taking care of business and sitting pretty at 5-0. Four games later, they're 5-4, ahead only of the Deadskins in the NFC East. Now they must likely go 5-2 the rest of the way to even consider the playoffs. And what's worse, since the Eagles laid an egg Sunday (rim shot), the #@!* Cowboys are first in the division. Thanks a bunch (superfluous use of parenthesis).

Restoring My Faith In Humanity: Kansas City Chiefs. In a season when everything is wrong, they finally did something right. They cut woman-abusing cretin Larry Johnson. I know in reality Johnson's release is more because of his 2.7 yard average and off-color comments regarding the Chiefs and the fans, but I can't stand any sub-human who would lay his hands on a woman, least of all a 250 pound pro football player. You're a real winner, Larry. I hope you never see a football field again. What's even more satisfying is that the Chiefs cut Johnson just 75 yards short of Priest Holmes' team rushing record.

File This One Under WTF: Sammy Sosa, what the crap is this?!

So Long Jason: The Red Sox declined Jason Varitek's option and it appears that this is the last we've seen of Jason in Boston. It's been a great career for Varitek, which included two rings. He is also the only man to catch four no-hitters. It is time; however, as it is clear that 'Tek's skills have abandoned him. It will be very strange not to see him out there. I wish him all the best.


Anonymous said...

You may want to check before you say goodbye to the Red Sox Captain!

Dennis said...

Yes, apparently he has this week to exercise his $3 million player option. Even he doesn't, Theo seemed to imply that the team would be amenable to bringing Varitek back as a traditional back-up catcher.

Dan said...

Whoopsadaisy! Just call me Dan Rather. The initial article that I read didn't mention the player option, which I knew he had. It just sounded like the Sox had declined everything. I think it's fine to have him as a back up. Glad they're keeping Martinez.

Dan said...

The column is called Hyperbolic Statements after all. Ha!