NFL Hyperbolic Statements-Week 11

Two so-called contenders punk out. The city of Baltimore holds a grudge. And looking forward to watching the Lions? Since we've got a short week, think of this as the Cliff's Notes version of "Statements."

Don't Rest On Your Laurels, Ever: Bengals and Steelers. Following a man-sized win against the Steelers, the Bengals turned into tabbies vs. the pathetic Raiders. The eyepatches did have one advantage; Demarcus Russell was on the bench. But still, if Cincinnatti wanted to think of itself as a contender, they needed to take care of biznass against the Faders. (Wow, two disparaging nicknames for Oakland in one paragraph). Meanwhile, halfway across the country, the Steelers were yacking it up against another AFC West ne'er-do-well. You would think they would come out pissed off and ready to kill the Chiefs after losing an important divisional game to the Bengals last week. I guess that's the difference between these two clubs and the Colts who seem to win under all kinds of circumstances, even when it appears they really don't deserve to win.

State Line of the Week: Robert Meachem, Saints. 2 catches, 10 yards, 2 TD's. Just don't confuse him with Robert Mitchum.

Cosmic Forces At Work: Two games ago, the Baltimore Ravens played the team that replaced them after they left Cleveland and changed names, the "new" Browns. Last Sunday, the Ravens played the team that they replaced in Baltimore, the Colts. Let that one marinate in your skull for a bit. Think of it as a football koan. By the way, the Colts are never referred to by name in Baltimore. The PA announcer introduces them as the Indianapolis professional football team. Bitter, anyone?

File This One Under WTF: Ah, Thanksgiving, that magical time of year that exists only to indulge in copious amounts of food and football. I was even looking forward to the Lions game this year. I was very curious to watch heralded rookie Matthew Stafford, especially in light of his heroic play last Sunday. But now he's injured, out for a couple of weeks at least with a separated shoulder. Now, I've got to deal with the likes of a washed up Daunte Culpepper. Damn! Oh well, the Packers will probably win 35-3 anyway.

NFL Hyperbolic Statements-Week 10

Perennial doormat makes a statement. An absolutely soporific late Sunday match up. And the most important game in the history of history.

The Big Fat Brass Ones Award: Cincinnati Bengals. They are the Bungles no more. At least for now. In a defensive struggle with reigning champ Pittsburgh, the Bengals won and took control of the AFC North. What they have done this season is staggering, considering where they once were. They are 7-2 with the tie breaker over both the Steelers and Ravens having swept both. Their record is 5-0 in the division. The win total for all of 2008 was a mere four games. After going 11-5 in '05, the Bengals followed two mediocre seasons with the fugly performance that was last year. Presently there are eight games remaining. Beware the second half yack, but the striped-ones' schedule from here consists of such compost heaps as the Browns, Lions, Raiders and Chiefs. Except for a December 13th game against the Vikings they would be favored in just about every remaining game. Don't look now, but Cincinnati could end up with a first round bye.

Are You Still Awake?: Packers 17, Cowboys 7. There have been many memorable match ups between these teams throughout the years. The Ice Bowl of course comes to mind, as does a few hotly contested playoff games in the '90's. This was not one. The game was 3-0 Pack through three quarters. This was not because of a hard-hitting defensive battle on a cold day in Lambeau. This was because of penalties, turnovers, and downright sloppiness. No other game to turn to. Heeelp!

The Most Titanical Clash of the Titans...in History: After trading three-and-outs, Manning and Brady traded quick touch downs. Running game? We don't need no F-ing running game (the biggest misconception in sports in the necessity for a power running game in the NFL). Screw that! We're here to see the quarterbacks, you know, the guys who bag girls who wouldn't even spit on you if you were on fire. This game had everything. But the one thing people can't stop talking about is Belichick's fourth down call on his own 28. What precipitated this inexplicable decision? Arrogance? Absolute faith in Brady? Absolute fear of Manning? No confidence in the defense? Or something else? I think Belichick just wanted to put an end to it. Pick up two yards and the game is over. These Colts/Pats match ups are so physically and emotionally taxing that he just wanted to go all-in. For once, he acted on emotion instead of intellect. For the record, I think he was wrong. As Dwight Freeney said, I would have punted even if I were playing Madden. There are only a few regular season games that ever get remembered for the ages; Brett Favre's Monday Nighter after his father died, Giants 7, 49ers 3 in 1990. This one should be right up there. Side Note: Reggie Wayne is one of the best receivers in football. He does everything well. He runs good routs. He can burn past anybody, and has hands like velcro. I would choose him over just about anyone in the league right now.

File This One Under WTF: Titans Owner, Bud Adams. You are too hilarious for me to be outraged.